In Jackie you have the beginnings of au character to hold a reader's attention through a short story or even a novella. You have done very little with the "I" narrator. What happens between Jackie and the narrator is the guts of your story. What is Jackie's back-story or history. Is Jackie akin to Justine in "The Four Quartets", in other words the turnstile through which all the men in Alexandria, Egypt have passed? Is she good, evil, fake, merely a promiscuous lush, what? Why does she spend her days making the rounds of 3 bars in a college town? Is she a graduate, a drop-out, a drifter, a former topless dancer, a divorcee? Do you want the "I" narrator to be an undisguised autobiographical stand-in for yourself, or do you want the narrator to be an original and unlike you? Jack Kerouac put himself and his circle into his books, unabashedly, so he never had to create an original character. Do you want your story to be one of thwarted adoration, thwarted lust, or consummated love? All three options are open to you.
Thank you for the thoughtful read and comment, Jim!
Jackie is definitely meant to be an archetype or homage to all the strange (much) older women I’ve met in bars that seem to have mysterious outer lives. I don’t want to tip my hand too much, but there’s a reason her death to be mentioned here but she’s alive and well in #2.
As for self-inserts… I’m in there but split among a number of characters. I will say #2 is a story my friends have heard before but with different details and from a different POV.
Definitely got caught up in this. Where's the rest of the gin joke though? You left me hanging without a punchline. Or maybe this one of those things everyone knows but me.
In Jackie you have the beginnings of au character to hold a reader's attention through a short story or even a novella. You have done very little with the "I" narrator. What happens between Jackie and the narrator is the guts of your story. What is Jackie's back-story or history. Is Jackie akin to Justine in "The Four Quartets", in other words the turnstile through which all the men in Alexandria, Egypt have passed? Is she good, evil, fake, merely a promiscuous lush, what? Why does she spend her days making the rounds of 3 bars in a college town? Is she a graduate, a drop-out, a drifter, a former topless dancer, a divorcee? Do you want the "I" narrator to be an undisguised autobiographical stand-in for yourself, or do you want the narrator to be an original and unlike you? Jack Kerouac put himself and his circle into his books, unabashedly, so he never had to create an original character. Do you want your story to be one of thwarted adoration, thwarted lust, or consummated love? All three options are open to you.
Thank you for the thoughtful read and comment, Jim!
Jackie is definitely meant to be an archetype or homage to all the strange (much) older women I’ve met in bars that seem to have mysterious outer lives. I don’t want to tip my hand too much, but there’s a reason her death to be mentioned here but she’s alive and well in #2.
As for self-inserts… I’m in there but split among a number of characters. I will say #2 is a story my friends have heard before but with different details and from a different POV.
Thanks again for reading!
I love the character of Jackie — feels so real.
Thank you! She’s probably the most amalgamated character; drawing from all the sweet old ladies that talked to me in dive bars. Thanks for reading! 🤙🏻
Definitely got caught up in this. Where's the rest of the gin joke though? You left me hanging without a punchline. Or maybe this one of those things everyone knows but me.
The punch line is “extra dirty” 😆🍸
Love the arena here. Jackie is my new pride of Lowell. Looking forward to reading more.
Lol she has big North Shore vibes. Thanks for reading!
Beautiful job. Oh, Jackie!
Thank you, Elizabeth!
Great work Vin.
This is dope.
Thank you!