Fitzgerald kept a notebook of words, images, phrases, jottings and the like for use in future writings. If I kept such a notebook I would stick your pun "writers or wrongers" in it and use it WITHOUT ATTRIBUTION years from now. (Journeymen borrow, masters steal.) Please take this as a tribute to you, not as a theft from you. In trade you are welcome to borrow an insulting greeting I have heard only once: "I did not know you could pile shit that high."
You are gathering speed since Story #1. More description of the heroine's attire & looks would be gravy. What was the reason for her dressing up? What seems to be the reason for the on-again-off-again-Finnegan relationship between boy-Casey & girl-Casey? Is anything holy or even off-limits to the wisecrackers at the bar? They insult all comers, even girl-Casey, with equal impudence. Jack Kerouac described an American bar circa 1910. Saw-dust on the floor, spittoons, no women except those of questionable morals, everyone smoking, the mythical "free lunch", pickled eggs or pig's knuckles, the American workingman's Parisian cafe. (The poor French did not even have a word for "bar" until the doughboys or twenties' expatriates gave our word to the backward Europeans.) But I digress. Is there a pool table or a juke-box or a tiny stage for a band in your bar? Bar snacks such as salty peanuts? You have expanded your cast of characters admirably. It costs nothing but a few keystrokes to create a character. You are not going to develop every character at length, so don't be afraid to create throw-away characters who will exist in no more than one sentence. You gave Jackie from Story #1 only a cameo of one sentence. Let her not be forgotten.
Thank you again, Jim! And I absolutely do take it as a compliment!
I wanted to establish that this was Walshie's personality before he went a step too far; something that will happen when you mix booze with close acquaintance. Him being saved from his mistakes is just classic "God loves drunks, fools, and the Irish."
Girl/Boy-Casey are based on folks I knew that shared a name (though as far as I know never dated). Putting that relationship out there as well as the narrator making special note of Girl-Casey, is teasing a little bit of forbidden fruit.
As for amenities, darts will come into play. I did see one band play at the bar this is based on but it was definitely not a venue built for that (which made it all the more fun).
And Jackie will be back. There's a reason I started with her. 😉 Thanks again for reading and for the comment!
“…writers and wrong-ers carefully orbiting each other without ever crashing. Glove save and a beauty.” Awesome
Thanks, Natalia!
This was awesome. I could almost smell the stale beer. Really sharp characters and setting!
Thanks, Nikita! 🤙🏻
Phenomenal! An absolutely perfect slice of life and that scary little spice of almost-happened disaster. The ending is chef’s kiss.
Thank you, Liz!
Fitzgerald kept a notebook of words, images, phrases, jottings and the like for use in future writings. If I kept such a notebook I would stick your pun "writers or wrongers" in it and use it WITHOUT ATTRIBUTION years from now. (Journeymen borrow, masters steal.) Please take this as a tribute to you, not as a theft from you. In trade you are welcome to borrow an insulting greeting I have heard only once: "I did not know you could pile shit that high."
You are gathering speed since Story #1. More description of the heroine's attire & looks would be gravy. What was the reason for her dressing up? What seems to be the reason for the on-again-off-again-Finnegan relationship between boy-Casey & girl-Casey? Is anything holy or even off-limits to the wisecrackers at the bar? They insult all comers, even girl-Casey, with equal impudence. Jack Kerouac described an American bar circa 1910. Saw-dust on the floor, spittoons, no women except those of questionable morals, everyone smoking, the mythical "free lunch", pickled eggs or pig's knuckles, the American workingman's Parisian cafe. (The poor French did not even have a word for "bar" until the doughboys or twenties' expatriates gave our word to the backward Europeans.) But I digress. Is there a pool table or a juke-box or a tiny stage for a band in your bar? Bar snacks such as salty peanuts? You have expanded your cast of characters admirably. It costs nothing but a few keystrokes to create a character. You are not going to develop every character at length, so don't be afraid to create throw-away characters who will exist in no more than one sentence. You gave Jackie from Story #1 only a cameo of one sentence. Let her not be forgotten.
Thank you again, Jim! And I absolutely do take it as a compliment!
I wanted to establish that this was Walshie's personality before he went a step too far; something that will happen when you mix booze with close acquaintance. Him being saved from his mistakes is just classic "God loves drunks, fools, and the Irish."
Girl/Boy-Casey are based on folks I knew that shared a name (though as far as I know never dated). Putting that relationship out there as well as the narrator making special note of Girl-Casey, is teasing a little bit of forbidden fruit.
As for amenities, darts will come into play. I did see one band play at the bar this is based on but it was definitely not a venue built for that (which made it all the more fun).
And Jackie will be back. There's a reason I started with her. 😉 Thanks again for reading and for the comment!
This is incredible. Dude, what a voice. Such talent.
Thank you so much!